2015 has been a crazy year for me to say least, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from this blog. I struggle with keeping this blog alive mostly because I hate the idea of this being public. Of course I could privatize it, but what would be the point of this blog, and it feels a bit hypocritical to work for a company like WordPress.com and not have a blog. Knowing that even one other person is reading this makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable hence the near empty blog.
From the pictures above you’d think I had a great year. While amazing, it was probably one of the hardest years of my life. If you look at a previous post, I think I said something very similar. When does life get easier? Seems like it just gets harder and harder. Nevertheless, going through the pictures on my phone of the past year, I realized one thing, we never take pictures of the sad moments. This became incredibly clear to me when my uncle passed away last month. As I sat there in tears staring at my sweet sweet aunt (his wife) in front of me, a photographer jumps up from the pews and starts snapping pictures of my aunt in mourning. My aunt turns to the photographer and in a moment of confusion, she puts on a smile for the camera. The photographer tells her to stop smiling. At that moment, I thought this was a bit weird and unnecessary. Who would want to remember these photos, particularly my aunt? While the pictures above do represent truly happy moments in my life during 2015, this year had many many moments of mourning, grief, confusion, stress, and pure sadness.
This year I mourned the untimely death of a long time friend who was diagnosed with cancer. I used to talk to him nearly everyday in college, but after I graduated, we just lost touch. Once I heard about his diagnosis I caught up with him again. I felt extremely guilty for not keeping in touch and it was a big reminder since I tend to lose touch with good friends if they aren’t near me. Nevertheless, the idea that life wasn’t fair truly hit me during this time. Why him? He was a genuinely nice and amazing person, and I’m really not just saying that. He was a good person deep into his core. Of all people, he didn’t deserve this. Since he was so close to me in age I just kept thinking of all the experiences he would miss out on because his life was cut so short. As I watched his mom, the words “no parent should ever have to bury their child” hit me harder than ever. This is one fear that I think everyone in the world shares and it was unfolding in front of me. Rest in peace, I miss you dearly.
As mentioned above my uncle also passed away this year; however, his death hit me in a way that was very different from my friend’s. My uncle was a happy go-lucky man who lived life his own way and I believe he had a very fulfilling life. He met my aunt later in life and his only wish was that they met when they were younger. He framed a stock picture of a young boy and girl saying that that was my aunt and him. I grieve for the people he left behind, especially my aunt. She’s so sweet and one of those people who is just too nice. A couple of my aunts on my mom’s side are like that. You sort of wish she had little bit of a mean streak because you’re afraid of people taking advantage of her. While I worried for my aunt, she said she could do it alone – everyone else was. She’s been through so much in her life, so I know she’ll power through. But, I just hope she can finally catch a break and live life stress-free for once.
On a more happy note, this year the relationships with my closest friends became stronger than ever. We all magically ended up in Los Angeles for a majority of the year until one of my friends had to move to Oakland for her career. During this time I felt like I was the luckiest person ever. Who gets to have their closest friends around at our age?! Some of the happiest and saddest moments of my life were experienced with these girls. I’m truly lucky to have the best friends of all time. I know this will be short lived as they contemplate new relationships, cities, and career moves, so I want to make sure to truly cherish these moments to the fullest.
This year had so many ups and downs I hope 2016 is a little less dramatic year for me. I want to work harder, strengthen the relationship with my friends and loved ones, and travel more! 2015 wasn’t a big travel year for me, but 2016 is going to start off strong on the travel front. Barcelona in January and Bangkok in February!